Tuesday, May 6, 2014
UM . . . OR COULD IT BE PIRATES? May 5, 2014
Perchance there were Pirates perusing the books in the Library. When a skull and crossbones are found in the Library, there are not many other conclusions to reach. Chief of Police Shawn Langseth was quick to arrive at the Library on Monday, May 5, and he had this to say: “Pirates are known for having a penchant for playful pranks.”
Librarian Meredith Vaselaar pensively perused the crime scene, pondering its meaning. The preponderance of evidence pointed to perpetrators of a perplexing sort. Could it be that nothing is as it seemed? Chief Langseth mapped the plethora of evidence with perfect precision.
And where did the evidence point? Once again, pirates: or are the perpetrators merely PRETENDING to be pirates? Our Chief paced the floor, wearing a hole into the patterned tile. When pacing produced nothing, the Chief picked up the skull and peered into its (empty) eyes, which held nothing. Therefore, it was clear that there was nothing to be gained by picking its (lack of) brain.
Skull, pickax, sword, waves, pirate tomes and paper hats peppered the carpet. Fingerprints? Nay. Booty left behind? Nay. Pirates are too practical to leave forensic evidence.
Fear not, ye whose stomachs are churning from lack of progress (or bad alliteration, whatever) – it is believed that there will be a significant breakthrough within the fortnight, and the perpetrators will soon be identified.
One can practically smell the perpetrators closing in, leaving a pungent odor that permeates the place. . (Oh, puh leeze . . . don’t try to stop me when I’m on a roll.)
Chief Langseth has promised to bring the perps to perdition. If anyone can do it, he can.