Tuesday, April 1, 2014

S'MORES AND SMOKE March 31, 2014


“As incredible as this may sound, it appears that someone had a campout at the Library over the weekend,” said Chief of Police Shawn Langseth.  Indeed, when Adrian Branch Librarian Meredith Vaselaar entered the Library on Monday morning, the first hint of an intrusion was the faintest smell of residual smoke.  The source was quickly identified: a small tea-candle had been lit – and extinguished – at some point over the weekend.  The reason for the fire was fairly simple to ascertain: evidence of S’mores making was scattered on the floor near the candle.  Broken bits of Graham crackers, Hersey’s chocolate bars, and Marshmallows, were found littering the carpet.  (Hey, folks! Take a wild guess as to how much Librarian Vaselaar enjoyed cleaning up THAT mess!)  Four sticks with light scorch marks were found, solidifying the S’more supposition.

Last week, Chief Langseth was reticent to talk about what was found at the crime scene, other than feathers.  However, this week, Langseth has decided to talk about ALL the new clues found on Monday, as well as speculating as to the identity of the perpetrators.  “It seems to me that the perpetrators are becoming a bit more careless,” said the Chief, “and we hope that eventually they will leave behind something incriminating.”

There has been little usable evidence gathered thus far: a few cookies crumbs, defaced property left with no fingerprints, and a movie left in the laptop computer.  “We have not released the name of the movie we found, as part of our effort to keep some vital information a secret,” says Langseth. 

As for the forks that were sent to the BCA, thus far, there has been no breakthrough.  BCA officials have detected something, but further analysis is needed.  According to an inside source, who wished to remain anonymous, the BCA laboratory scientists are perplexed.  “The genetic fingerprint found in the DNA sample sent from the Adrian Branch Library, bears no resemblance to anything that has thus far been mapped.” 

So, what about the evidence found on Monday, March 31, 2014?  Chief Langseth gave this reporter a list of what was found at the scene in addition to the candle and food crumbs:  books with a camping scene, some standing on end as if to resemble tents, two very small blankets and two equally small pillows, a book on ghost stories, a very small guitar, a small backpack with a flashlight, and a cowboy hat.  “Due to the size of the pillows, guitar, the backpack and flashlight, I would be inclined to guess that we are dealing with mice,” he said.  Librarian Vaselaar was outraged, “we do NOT have mice in our Library!” she insisted.  Perhaps Vaselaar is right, as the cowboy hat was such a size as to indicate someone – or something – with a rather large head, or perhaps a large creature with a small head.

If not mice, then what?  What – or whom – can sneak in and out of the Library undetected, with no signs of forced entry, and no known source of all this food they seem to be eating, and materials they seem to conjure up out of thin air?  Is it elves, as some have speculated, or fairies? Are we dealing with trolls or minions?  Are we dealing with humans or mythical beings?  Stay tuned for next week’s crime* and see if you can help determine the identities of the perpetrators.

* (Assuming there IS another crime discovered next Monday.  I am not suggesting there is a pattern here, or that another crime WILL take place.  I am just saying, you know, just IN CASE there should be another crime, then we, of course, would want the public to continue to be informed. We take our job as news information specialists very seriously.  –Ed.)