Tuesday, April 22, 2014
EASTER BUNNY NOW PRIME SUSPECT April 21, 2014
I realize how lame it sounds to suggest that the Easter Bunny is a suspect in the ongoing Adrian Branch Library crime spree, but that certainly seems to be the case. On Monday, April 21, 2014, Librarian Meredith Vaselaar found a trail of chocolate eggs scattered about the Library. A basket filled with candy and plastic grass was found tipped over on the floor, and evidence of rabbit rowdiness was rife in the small building. But was the evidence enough to convict the happy holiday hare?
Chief of Police Shawn Langseth arrived at the Library on Monday morning, bringing along his forensic collection bag, as well as his usual keen sense of observation. “This does look bad for Mr. Bunny,” admitted our Chief, “but we cannot bring charges until the evidence is tested.” No bunny hair or paw prints were found at the scene. There were no tracks, making it all but impossible to determine how anyone could have gotten into the Library without a key - which has been one of the more perplexing aspects of the crime spree.
“There are inherent difficulties in charging the Easter Bunny with the crimes,” cautions Chief Langseth. “Mr. Bunny has heretofore had a reputation for being a benevolent creature, with no known acts of vandalism or misconduct. Historically, the Easter Bunny has been difficult to catch.” Should the evidence point irrefutably to the famous hopster as the culprit, it is doubtful he will be easily apprehended.
A bigger issue in focusing too much on the Easter Bunny as a suspect is that other suspects might be overlooked. “We have had a lot of people come forward with the identification of possible perpetrators, including mice, rats, elves, trolls, fairies, as well as someone named ‘Hank’,” says Langseth, “thus far, none of these suggestions has been discounted." It appears that just about everyone in the area is under suspicion. This makes Chief Langseth’s job not only enormous, but extremely tricky. “I cannot simply accuse everyone,” the Chief asserts, “but I will admit that the pool of suspects grows bigger each day.”
The Chief is asking for the public’s assistance in bringing the perp(s) to justice. If you think you know who could (or should) be charged with the crimes, please contact the Adrian Branch Library (507 483-2541 or firstname.lastname@example.org). No clue or suggestion is too small to investigate.